Love With a Side of Pasta
by WhenYouDontHaveALife
Summary: This is a magical chapter in the great saga of love between King Joffrey and the Flying Spaghetti Monster. Prepare to be amazed by this great tale! Joffrey is getting married tomorrow and where is his pasta lover? Will the harsh world of Westeros keep them apart or is love the strongest force of all? This is not meant to offend anyone, I wrote this just for fun! Enjoy :)


King Joffrey sat on the iron throne, his hand resting on his cheek. He was bored. Oh so very bored! The dancing whores before him did not entertain. "How did Robert Baratheon enjoy this", Joffrey wondered. The only thing whores were good for was beating. Now _that_ is entertaining, but not that much. If only _it_ was there. Was it a he or a she? Joffrey didn't care, the Flying Spaghetti Monster hasn't visited him in some time, but he missed him. But Joffrey was getting married tomorrow, but all he wanted couldn't be. The brat king snapped his fingers and the whores were dragged off.

Joffrey laid on his bed and removed his crown. "The only reason I have this, the reason I have anything…." Joffrey cried, he missed the Flying Spaghetti Monster! It was the only thing on this planet that truly understood him (Cersei being a close second). Joffrey cried and cried, even harder than the time Arya Stark hit him upside the head! The Flying Spaghetti Monster gave Joffrey hope, who knows where he'd be if it weren't for it! "The only pasta…. I'll ever love". But then, the room began to smell like garlic bread! It was _there_, right by the window hovering!

"Don't cry my king", the Flying Spaghetti Monster said, in his/her big sexy voice, "I'm sorry I've been away so long!" The Flying Spaghetti Monster was a large mass of spaghetti but with no sauce. A meatball was clutched on either side and in the middle two eyes were propped up on two antenna like things.

As it flew into the room Joffrey ran up and hugged the magic pasta. "Oh Flying Spaghetti Monster!" He was wrapped in noodles, it felt good.

"Joffrey!"

"Keep quiet or someone will hear us," Joffrey was determined to keep his pasta secret. They wouldn't understand.

"Run away with me Joffrey," said the Flying Spaghetti Monster, "We can fly off into the night and be together forever!"

The Lannister looked at his crown on the bed, "But, I'm king now, I love you but now I've got power!"

"You will get more when we get there to my kingdom we will rule side by side!"

"Then let's go!"

"But before that…." The Flying Spaghetti Monster used his magic to make Joffrey's clothes disappear.

A Little While Later

Two guards were walking near Joffrey's room when they heard him shout, "Oh Flying Spaghetti Monster!"

When they rushed into the room they found Joffrey in bed, covered in noodles. "What the-"

"Get out of here, by order of the king!" Joffrey hollered. Suddenly the noodles moved and assembled into the Flying Spaghetti Monster, minus one meat ball and a few noodles.

"Not you, the guards!"

"Oh"

"Now get back here, but I want on top this time!"

"Ok"

One of the guards finally managed to speak, in a teeny tiny whisper. "My king?!"

"Actually, kill them Flying Spaghetti Monster!"

"With pleasure!" The rest of the noodles and the previously missing meat ball grouped together. A magic red aura surrounded both the guards and the Flying Spaghetti Monster. Suddenly the two guards were transformed into bread sticks.

"We have to hurry, they will figure out the guards are missing and check on me," Joffrey said as he munched on a bread stick.

The door burst open, it was Cersei. She saw a naked Joffrey in bed eating the other bread stick and the Flying Spaghetti Monster hovering next to him.

"J- Joffrey!?"

"Mother haven't you ever heard of knocking!?"

"What is THAT!?"

"The Flying Spaghetti Monster."

"But your wedding is tomorrow and you're laying with that _thing_!"

The pasta gasped, "Joffrey, is this true?"

"It can talk!?"

"I was betrothed what was I supposed to do? Also look how long you've been gone! The last time you were here it was my coronation night! WHERE WERE YOU!?"

The Flying Spaghetti Monster was silent but used magic to give Joffrey his clothes back.

The king opened his mouth again, "But that doesn't matter anymore, I will be happier with you! I love you Flying Spaghetti Monster!"

"And I love you Joffrey!"

"It's pasta! How could you be in love with it!?"

"I'm sorry mother, but I have to go!"

"Joffrey NO!"

Cersei tried to stop him but Joffrey pushed her away, a noodle wrapped out his waist and Joffrey and the Flying Spaghetti Monster flew into the night as Cersei cried holding her son's crown.

The night was peaceful with a lovely crescent moon and stars as far as the eye could see. Joffrey was happy, he would be an even more powerful king and he and the Flying Spaghetti Monster would be together forever. They were flying north and soon they were over Winterfell.

"Where are we going?" Asked Joffrey

A familiar voice yelled from a nearby tower, "TO HELL!"

An arrow flew at them, it was aimed for Joffrey but the Flying Spaghetti Monster took the hit, right in the eye. "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

They crashed down.

"J-Joffrey?"

"I'm right here Flying Spaghetti Monster," Joffrey began to yell, "WHO DARES SHOOT THE KING OF THE SEVEN KINGDOMS I AM JOFFERY AND I DEMAND TO SEE MY ATTACKER!"

"Of course," Sansa Stark stepped out from the darkness holding a bow and arrow, "your majesty!" She curtsied as the rest of the Starks emerged (excluding Jon Snow), including the ghosts of the dead family members.

"What is the meaning of this? Since when were you a ruffian? Now be gone before I-"

"Before you what, Joffrey?" Ghost Eddard laughed as he bounced his decapitated head between his hands as his daughter spoke.

"The bows is a lady's weapon and I can put a lot aside just so I can kill you, besides your magical friend is no match for Rickon, it is dinner time after all! Plus, I shot you down right in the middle of Winterfell, everyone up here hates your guts!"

Baby Rickon squirmed in Arya's arms, he was hungry! Joffrey shielded the Flying Spaghetti Monster, it was still alive after all, but they both were at the mercy of the Starks.

"How did you know we were flying here?!"

Arya scoffed, "Jon saw your Flying Spaghetti Monster while he was at the wall. He heard him say, 'Joffrey I'm coming' as he flew by.' He sent a letter to us and we've spent this past day getting everyone together, dead or alive to watch you die!" She set down her brother and he crawled towards the pasta.

Rob Stark lifted Joffrey by the shirt collar and threw him towards his sisters. The Lannister screamed as Rickon ate one meatball, ending the life of the Flying Spaghetti Monster.

"FLYING SPAGHETTI MONSTER!"

Arya handed Sansa a sword as she grabbed Needle with her other hand, "Let's do this!"

"Alright, this dress is out of style anyway!"

Catelyn smiled and said to her husband, "Who knew this would bring our girls together?!"

"I did!"

"Good point."

Arya and Sansa lunged at Joffrey, "TOGETHER," they shouted as their swords ran through the king, blood splattering everywhere!

The Starks cut off Joffrey's head and buried it along with the Flying Spaghetti Monster's eyes, leaving the rest for the crows. The living Starks ate the pasta as the dead returned to the afterlife, waving farewell.

Justice had been served with a side of pasta!

The End!


End file.
